What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
