so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
