mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
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