Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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