I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
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