I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
