I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
My cat gives me a boner
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize