After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
