i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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