I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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