Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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