my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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