he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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