Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize