Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
