5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
