I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
