U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
