Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
