when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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