there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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