Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
