i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
