I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
