There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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