If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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