where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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