Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
