The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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