Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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