i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
