Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
