Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
