Umm I'm too high to move.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
