I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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