Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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