I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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