I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
No subtext here. People are naked.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
