When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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