Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
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I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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