she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
