I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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