just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
