it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
