but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
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