she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
