Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
