Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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