foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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