There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize