those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
