woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
