How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
