Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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