Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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