dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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