I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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