I'm sorry my penis didn't work
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
