He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
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What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
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I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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