worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
