Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
