the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
