You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
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You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
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Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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