I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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