I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
people are starting to question the shark bite story
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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