think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
