'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
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