We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
