I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
