i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
