Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
