i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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