i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
