I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
