Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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