I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
