How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
