i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
