I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
