Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
