I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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