I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
