This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
